Kristen King’s story is one of overcoming perfectionism and anxiety, but what you may not expect is the unexpected twist that led her on this journey. Faced with the sudden death of her younger brother, Kristen found herself spiraling into self-destructive behavior. It was during this dark period that she realized the importance of confronting her issues head-on. Through perseverance and self-reflection, Kristen managed to find balance in her life and overcome her perfectionist tendencies. But the journey wasn’t easy, and she had to confront her dual nature of being both an overachiever and a fun-loving individual. How did Kristen manage to find that balance? Listen to this week’s episode of Here’s What We Know to find out.
This episode is sponsored by:
In this episode you’ll be able to:
- The link between personal growth and flourishing relationships with others
- The challenges of perfectionism and anxiety
- The importance of establishing open communication and boundaries in your relationships
- The influence of mental well-being on personal growth and experiences
- The value of prioritizing self-care and finding balance in life
00:00:00 – Introduction,
Kristen King introduces herself as a life and business coach for the perfectionist woman. Gary shares his experiences with his wife, who is similar to Kristen, and how they balance each other out.
00:04:39 – Accommodating in Marriage,
Kristen and Gary discuss the importance of being accommodating in a marriage and how it can help balance each other out.
00:08:06 – Kristen at 16,
Kristen describes herself at 16 as a theater nerd who was a compulsive overachiever. She shares her balancing act between her goofy, performative side and her need for academic success.
00:11:27 – Where Does Kristen’s Drive Come From?,
Kristen attributes her drive to her love for a challenge, her intelligence, and her parents’ desire for their children to have access to education and opportunities they didn’t have.
00:13:15 – Motivation for Success,
Kristen shares her motivation for success, including wanting to meet her potential and enjoying the validation from doing everything right.
00:15:10 – Switching Career Paths,
Kristen discusses her decision to switch from teaching to radio after realizing that teaching was not the right path for her. She also talks about the societal expectations that influenced her decision-making process.
00:18:28 – Finding Joy in Work,
Kristen and Gary discuss the gendered differences in career choices and how societal expectations impact individuals. They also talk about the importance of finding joy in work and how Kristen’s past struggles have shaped her current perspective.
00:20:14 – Struggling with Anxiety,
Kristen opens up about her struggles with anxiety and depression, which began in fifth grade. She talks about the pressure to maintain a certain image and the tension between her serious and goofy sides.
00:22:57 – Coping with Tragedy,
Kristen shares her experience coping with the sudden death of her younger brother and how it destabilized her sense of reality. She also discusses her self-destructive behavior and how it served as a form of self-protection.
00:24:20 – Embracing Life’s Journey,
Gary and Kristen talk about the importance of accepting one’s past experiences and how they shape who we are today. They also discuss how past struggles can help us become better parents and individuals.
00:29:40 – Overcoming Fear,
Kristen discusses how she overcame her fears and learned to trust, even when it was difficult. She reflects on how giving into fear would only cause more harm and how trust is necessary for growth and progress.
00:31:38 – Dealing with Anxiety,
Kristen shares her experience with anxiety and how it affected her relationships. She discusses how she slowly overcame anxiety through therapy, peer support, and learning to let go of control.
00:35:35 – Letting Go of People-Pleasing,
Kristen talks about her realization that she doesn’t have to live up to other people’s expectations. She shares how she learned to let go of people-pleasing and live life on her own terms, even if it meant saying no and making tough decisions.
00:38:46 – Making Radical Life Changes,
Kristen shares the moment when she realized she needed to make a radical life change and how she went about doing it. She discusses the importance of listening to one’s desires and dreams, even if they seem impossible, and taking steps to make them a reality.
00:41:27 – Helping Women Thrive,
Kristen discusses the common themes she sees among women she coaches, including feeling like their lives are only for other people and not for themselves. She emphasizes the importance of aligning one’s life with their desires and not being afraid to make changes to achieve true fulfillment.
00:44:04 – Changing Culture and Frustration,
The conversation starts with discussing how women and men are experiencing different frustrations as compared to the past. Kristen King explains how women are socialized in a certain way that leads to having more stress and anxiety in their lives than men. They talk about how societal expectations and pressures can lead to burnout and low self-worth.
00:47:01 – Prioritizing Tasks,
Kristen King discusses how she helps her clients prioritize their tasks and create a “fluffs map” to identify what is essential and what is not. She explains how many people get overwhelmed by their to-do list, and there is often a lot of arbitrary items that do not need to be done. They also talk about the pressures of being a woman in Western culture and the expectations that come with it.
00:53:17 – Relationships and Boundaries,
The conversation shifts towards relationships, and Kristen King explains how everything in life is a relationship, and it’s the filter through which people operate. She says that people often try to control and manipulate everyone around them unknowingly, leading to anxiety and burnout. She emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and being truthful with oneself to create a healthy relationship with oneself and others.
00:54:48 – Letting Go of Control,
Kristen King shares a personal story about how she almost got divorced over the wrong way of folding towels, which led her to realize how much she was trying to control everything around her. She explains how people often try to control everything in their lives unknowingly
Bio:
Kristen King, MBA, MPS, is a sweary life and business coach for womxn and femme folx who want to give fewer fucks. Her clients are sick and tired of having to be so freaking perfect all the time, and Kristen helps them reclaim their fucks so they can use them for the shit they actually care about — instead of spending all their time trying to be “good girls” and living up to other people’s expectations. She’s on a mission to help 10,000 womxn fall in love with themselves and their lives in the next 5 years.
In addition to being a coach, Kristen is also a mental health and wellness facilitator who loves helping people find compassion and connection with themselves as they learn to hold space for their own emotions. Her specialties are perfectionism, people-pleasing, anxiety, overwhelm, and burning down the motherfucking patriarchy one reclaimed fuck at a time.
She’s mom to 11-year-old twins (plus two cats and two dogs), wife to a hilarious husband who brings her coffee in bed every morning because he thinks she walks on water and an absolute karaoke QUEEN. Kristen is originally a Jersey girl and now makes her home in Leadville, CO, America’s highest city.
You can find Kristen at:
https://kristenking.com
